Thursday, March 13, 2014: A Korean style state-run media at your disposal

There is an unspoken rule in business that one should never attack their competitors, publicly at least. For example, if one of your business rivals has a particularly sour week in sales, it would be inappropriate to come out and gloat. Truth be told, the safest option is to either keep your mouth shut, or continue to talk up your own wares.

Sometimes, though, it can feel like the whole world hasn't noticed just how badly your opponent is faring. In those situations, it can be tempting to stoke the fire a little bit. It requires a deft touch, the subtle art of surreptitiously guiding an audience toward the conversation you want them to have, without saying anything at all.





Or, and this is a big or, you can adopt the foolproof Andrew Demetriou method for the gentle message of salt into wounds. First, you set up your own media department; people who write the same things as the Herald Sun except you can fire them if you don't like what they say. This is essential because it removes the subtle public relations skill that is usually necessary, and in fact subverts the whole news process by giving you, the leader, a Korean style state-run media at your disposal.

With this propaganda machine in place, you choose one of your staff writers - say, James Dampney - and ask him to write an article that is definitely not about the NRL's poor round one attendance figures and then wink a lot. Perhaps ensure him that you won't comment about the NRL's poor round one attendance figures, and suggest he puts that in the article, to really ensure that the whole thing doesn't become about the NRL's poor round one attendance figures.

You'll come out with something like this. Including not just references to, but actual figures for the NRL's poor round one attendance figures.

This may seem quite high and mighty coming from a blog that no-one reads and regularly fails to meet its stated aim or being funny, but surely the state-owned AFL Media owes us more than subversiveness. Andrew, if you're going to gloat, gloat. Gloat until you're red in the face, just spare us the henchmen telling us how humble you are...

In the news...
The friendly folk at AFL Media have released a compilation of footage shot by umpires strapped to their chests and faces. Watch it here - for fans of the Blair Witch Project and iPhone home movies.

St. James Brayshaw of Arden Street has nailed himself to the idea of Good Friday Footy, reminding the AFL's incoming CEO that the Roos were there first.

And good news at Melbourne with Young Gun Jesse Hogan, despite being incapable of being mentioned without the prefix Young Gun, a possibility to play round one.