Friday, March 7, 2014: In a lot of newspapers in close proximity to the word 'allegedly'...

Some stories just keep in giving. We thought that the Jack Riewoldt media ban was one of those things footballers say in the heat of the moment before realising they looked quite silly just there and pretending like nothing ever happened. But alas, Jack is still not for turning on his media ban, all-but-running away from cameras at a charity appearance yesterday. It was hardly edifying, but then again, running away from cameras is still a whole lot classier than chasing them.





Which is why our story of the week goes to none other than Ricky Nixon, who has set his sights on "climbing the next mountain, taking in the view but spending a lot more time breathing in the air this time". This of course refers to his previous stint atop a small mountain, which ended with his name in a lot of newspapers in close proximity to the word 'allegedly'.

It was a painfully slow fall to watch, a bit like one of those cartoons where a character falls into a multi-story building, breaking through each floor and ending up in the basement with birds flying around his head. While we predict Nixon's days of being surrounded by birds are over, he has set his sights on rebuilding the Flying Start Academy For Kids Who Want to Manage Athletes Good. Though it's out of our price range (hell, tickets to the Chicken Train comedy hour were out of our price range), we assume it will cover topics such as not going to hotel rooms with schoolgirls, safe driving around trams and - our personal favourite - how to achieve total obscurity while starring in a reality TV show.

It's a story which will surely keep on giving...


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In the news..
Carlton expects Lachie Henderson to play round one, Andrew Carrazzo in round two and Chris Judd in round three as it institutes a one-at-a-time return from injury strategy.

Demon Jesse Hogan has a back injury that could see him miss the start of the season, pending the result of scans.

Fremantle has re-signed zero-time Premiership coach Ross Lyon until the end of 2017. Port Adelaide are hopeful of penning a deal with Ollie Wines, who they hope will follow his namesake in getting better with age (sorry). Justin Westhoff is also likely to re-sign with the Power.

In completely inconsequential practice match news, The Eagles defeated Fremantle last night at Patterson's Stadium. Josh Kennedy Barney Rubbled his way to five goals and Michael Walters is on report for striking. Today's practice matches are:
Richmond v Essendon at Punt Road (kicked off at 1pm).
GWS v Adelaide at Blacktown (kicked off at 2pm).
Carlton v Western Bulldogs at Princes Park
Geelong v North Melbourne at the Cattery.

Tomorrow
Port v St. Kilda at Alberton
Melbourne v Hawthorn at Cranbourne
Brisbane v Sydney at Burping Gary.

In completely inconsequential medical news, north's Aaron Black has withdrawn from tonight's practice match against Geelong with a virus, which we have dubbed the Black lung. He will almost certainly play round one.


We're all going on a Smother holiday...
With Labour Day on Monday, The Big Cheese has decided to send us a on a professional development course which he hopes will increase the efficacy of these daily ramblings. We've decided to spend it at the Birdman Rally, an event which manages to be amusing and clever, a challenge that has eluded us thus far. In any event, there will be no Smother on Monday. We'll see you all Tuesday.