Thursday, March 27, 2014: Unadulterated guff...

Perhaps i'm in the minority. A relic of a simpler time, when kids played on street corners and the world just seemed nicer. A time when going to the football was an experience in just that, the strange orange and black scoreboard at VFL park being more than enough amusement for those whose eyes wandered from the play.




A bygone era, and unfortunately so. This new mantra of 'match day experience', with any spare real estate in or around the stadium dedicated to playgrounds or merchandise stalls or some sponsors promotion, which almost certainly will include a vague link to football like 'kick off your superannuation' or 'bounce in to KFC'. Some of these are commercial realities, clubs need to sponsors to pay for what the pokies can't, and sponsors want access to our eyesight in return for their money. Others, though, are attempts by clubs to increase attendance by catering to people with no interest in the game at hand, and that's where it gets really really tedious.

I don't know whether Collingwood lead the league in this stuff, it may just be that I go to more Collingwood home games, but they have done their best. Collingwood's attempt at match day experience has taken what was a simple day out and packed it so full of unadulterated guff that one wonders at times whether they're at the MCG or just a particularly well-attended edition of the annual Ringwood Primary School fete.

In between Kiss Cam and that strange and usually inaudible segment of SEN Radio at half time, and being asked to hold up numerous signs at various junctures, going to the game has become a strange sort of dance routine - pleasing the people inside the giant screen with our passionate adherence to their policy of lathering up in sponsor logos and shaking all about.

But, again, Collingwood have apparently attempted to take this shark and jump it. Rumours abound that the Pies will introduce cheerleaders, of more accurately a dance troupe, to entertain as part of the pre-game. The dancers, who are already being affectionately termed the Magettes, will apparently aid the match day experience. Unless it's Joffa and friends after 15 longnecks, rabidly shaking their goods while their sparkly golden leotards hold on for dear life, I just ain't buying it..

What an experience it would be to just sit down and watch the game...

In the news...
Gold Coast's Rory Thompson will return for Saturday's away game at Fremantle. While the Bulldogs will bring back captain Ryan Griffen on Sunday against North.

The Saints will be boosted by the return of key midfielders Lenny Hayes and Leigh Montagna for their game against GWS.

And of course, round two kicks off tonight with Carlton and Richmond at the MCG. Check tomorrow's Smother for a detailed review.