Editors note: The following was written on some terrible cold and flu pills and we promise the Smother will be slightly better tomorrow... maybe
There are two things to which no resident of Smother House will ever be able to honestly admit. The first is to having played football at a level above the year 9 reserves at high school, the second to ever have been loved by an actual adult female.
Given the first has never been seen as a reason not to emit exhaustive commentary on those who have and do, we see no reason why our lack of intimacy with the opposite s*x should preclude us from giving advice to those who are more fortunate in love than us. For example, one particular friend of the Smother has gone and got himself a lady who, when she isn't issuing some of the least favourable character assessments we've ever heard, disappears for days on end, leaving him crying in the basement of Smother House with a bottle of our finest $14 shiraz.
Ever so occasionally she'll say something nice or buy him dinner, which brightens him up just enough to forget how much worse off he is with her in the picture and continue their dalliance. From outside of that bubble of pain and misery, it's easy for us to see that he would do well to walk away. When love and devotion are involved, however, commonsense becomes so much rarer.
That woman may as well be called Richmond FC, because for a football fan, no harsher a mistress exists. Every year it's the same heartbreaking cocktail of hope and promise giving way to cruel defeat. She ambles in some s*xy lingerie and whispers 'hey big boy, tonight's the night', only to get a call from her parents just after dinner to say that her childhood cat has died, leaving you to drive her, in tears, to her parents house in the middle of nowhere, sitting for hours listening to stories about a god damn cat and slowly realising that tonight is not the night, the night may never come and you probably should have stayed home with a bottle of $14 shiraz...
The hazards of love...
In the news...
Suspensions...
Brisbane's flamboyant defender Daniel Merrett has accepted a 2-match ban for a late elbow to the head of David Swallow, while Gold Coast's Steven May and Giant Devon Smith will each challenge their one-match bans. In other news from a big MRP week, Luke Shuey, Brandon Matera and Taylor Adams will each miss a week.
Reprimands and fines were also issued to Jack Riewoldt, Matt Thomas, Josh Jenkins, Bernie Vince and Matthew Lobbe.
...and injuries
Demon midfielder Viv Michie will miss 4 weeks after fracturing his jaw in the VFL, leaving many a Supercoach in turmoil. In other injury news, North's Jamie McMillan will miss up to six weeks with a fibula fracture, while senior citizen Dustin Fletcher and Paul Chapman are both unlikely to travel to Perth for Essendon's game against a Fremantle, who may be missing Chris Mayne and Michael Walters.
The Bulldogs Jordan Roughead will miss two months with a dislocated shoulder and the Eagles have lost Mark Lecras and Chris Masten for their trip to Geelong. Saint Sam Gilbert will miss six weeks with a foot injury, and Magpie Sam Dwyer will miss a week with a knee injury.
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