Tuesday, 1 July, 2014: Matchday Experience...

I was there, Eddie. Wrapped in two jackets and under a beanie and a scarf no less, but I was there. We gathered in the furthest reaches of the gargantuan Southern Stand, still close enough to see the thousands of vacant seats on the ground level - all reserved for absent members - yet far enough back to sh*t myself when the fireworks launched, without warning, a few metres from my head. I endured it all: the spectacularly incongruous dancing troupe; the Americanised glory of Kiss Cam; that strange Chemist Warehouse guessing game that no-one beyond level 1 can win. I saw it all.

And you know what, Ed? Throughout it all; the constant bombardment of light and noise and crude attempts to turn an AFL game into some kind of Minor League Baseball Circus, there were moments that I longed to support a simpler team. A team that, though perhaps not as rich or successful, endeavored to put football first. A team like Melbourne or the Dogs.

Because, while you were arranging for explosives to cloak the Southern Stand in smoke and negotiating with dancers, they were hosting the second annual Women's match. Rather than shouting to be heard over painfully loud advertisements, their fans were enjoying watching the best women in the country battle it out. Regardless of what your presumably expensive market research team are telling you, football is not about the matchday experience nor amusing the children. No, what brings people to the football is, believe it or not, the chance to watch some football.

So Ed, if the league should grant you the $200k you've demanded, I - as a member - ask that you put it toward establishing a Collingwood women's team. Next year, we could see Collingwood and another team enter the draft created by Melbourne and the Western Bulldogs, and have a 4 team knockout competition. At the very least, it will put us ahead of a rather obvious curve. At best, it will show that you understand that women are for more than dancing before the men come out and play.

Yours,
The Smother


In the news...
Nathan Buckley has revealed he will send Brent Macaffer to Gary Ablett on Saturday afternoon. "He would be our number one target" threatened Buckley.

The 2014 season will be the last in the AFL for Crows defender Ben Rutten, who announced his retirement today. "It wasn't a tough decision... I'm pretty comfortable with the decision" said Rutten, leaving us to wonder who he was really trying to convince.

David Mundy has eschewed the temptations of a big money free-agency deal, re-signing with the Dockers for three more years. "I'm thankful for them giving me my opportunity and I'm enjoying my time here" said Mundy, proving that the AFLPA new contract handbook is the same in Perth as it is Melbourne.

The tribunal will not sit tonight after the trio of naughty boys issued with suspensions this week have decided not to fight them. Mitch Robinson will miss two, while Neville Jetta and Steven Morris will each miss a week.