Friday, July 25, 2014: Good heavens, Mark Evans...

Good heavens, Mark Evans. The League's chief tinkerer, who presumably works in a high security laboratory deep underneath AFL House, has appeared with another absurd way to further complicate the game with ultimately useless technology; and this time it's a real doozy.

Teaming up with Victoria University to chase the kind of dream one can only really come up with after too much caffeine and a serious case of relevance deprevation, Evans today announced his latest project - smart balls. "First of all, the chip would be something that could triangulate off players GPS units to give an exact location of the ball at any given time" Evans told an AFL reporter who was presumably hitting himself in the head with the nearest blunt object.

"There are a lot of things you could do with that" he lied, "it could aid graphical images of play, heat maps and things like that. Other than coaching and media processes, it could also be used for things like score reviews".

It's a very high-tech way of saying that Evans has solved another problem that doesn't exist. After all, to get an exact position of the ball, one could simply watch the game. For coaching and media purposes, to see where the ball goes, one could also watch the game. For score reviews, for heavens sake, let's keep doing what we've done for 100 years and pay a bloke to watch the game.

In the news...
In suit news, former Collingwood and Carlton CEO Greg Swann has swanned his way to Brisbane where he will take over as the Lions CEO. "We were unanimous in that decision" said the Lions. While, at St. Kilda, list manager Ameet Bains has been promoted to Chief Operating Officer.

Buddy Franklin has parted ways with manager Liam Pickering, opting for a Sydney-based celebrity management company. Though Pickering refused to comment, we speculate that the lack of front-page coverage since he crashed his car on North Head Road might have contributed.

Teams are here, you filthy Supercoach addicts.