Friday, May 16, 2014: An Open Letter to Mark Evans.

Dear Mr. Evans,

I am sure that we are not the first, nor will we be the last, to write you regarding last night's incident.

Obviously, an occurrence like this demands action. The cliche response - imagine if that happened in a Grand Final - actually holds water here. A Premiership decided by a goal that shouldn't have counted, a whole year irrevocably marred by a technological failure. It just wouldn't do Mark, something must be done.

Saying that, we feel like we know you. We've observed your innovative approach the game. The way you have been so willing to scour every corner of this Earth to find solutions, often to problems that aren't even necessarily problems. We've seen the goal review technology in action, the way a decision that has been made for over 100 years by a highly trained professional a few metres away has been deferred to someone else in a box with some grainy footage only to come back with the almost inevitable 'inconclusive' response. We've seen the mysterious man in the box stumble through the wrong sentence, the confused field umpires trying to comprehend them, the enraged fans with their heads in the hands. All of them thinking - wasn't it fine the way it was.

On this occasion, your eminence, the options are almost limitless: Illuminating goal posts, vibrating wrist bands, exploding balls, Dermott Brereton's utterly mystifying rant about electrodes. Maybe putting microchips in players that make them walk around in circles, copying each others motions like they do when a game of FIFA '14 ends. These must all seem very tempting, especially to an outside the box kinda guy like yourself.

But we urge, no, beg you: fight the temptation.  Siren gate was embarrassing. Siren Gate 2 was a tad frustrating. There will probably, one day, be a Siren Gate 3. But this is not an excuse to start plugging more things into other things and continually over complicating what is already a very confusing sport.

Please, Mr. Evans, just go to Adelaide and turn the siren up a bit. That's all you need to do. Make the siren louder. Maybe - if you need to get creative - patch the siren through to the Umpire's ear piece. Just please, please, please don't go adding more fallible technology to deal with the problem of fallible humanity.

There was a story of an old lady who swallowed a fly...

Yours sincerely,
The Smother

In the news...
The Greene Street Holligan has been issued a 5-match suspension for failing to report his arrest to the Giants. The punishment received the support of the coach, leadership and the board.  

The Swans have put their contract talks on hold as they work out the entirely foreseeable conundrum of how to pay both their old players and Buddy Franklin within a reduced salary cap. "It is difficult, if not impossible, with that uncertainty to move forward with contracts" grumbled football manager Dean Moore.

Struggling defender James Gwilt has been ruled out of the Saints 10 goal hammering by the Gold Coast with a hamstring injury. Tom Simpkin will replace Gwilt for the loss.

Okay, Teams are here. Do your Supercoach and leave us alone.