Well that was fun. For a few weeks my fellow Australians and I, even those despicable freaks who chose (I repeat...CHOSE) to support Carlton, shared a sense of unity, a common purpose. We had a new mortal enemy, an enemy dressed in red and white and drunk on the sort of smug confidence for which the English are famous. Little did they - or many of us for that matter - expect the pummeling that would befall them.
And though the 5-nil Ashes victory is nothing to be sneezed at, our cricketers would do well not to get too carried away. They are soon, unfairly in this correspondents opinion, to be relegated to the deeper realms of the sports section. Tonight, 138 days since Hawthorn saw off the famed purple swarm, football is back - and in a big way.
Tonight's Geelong V Collingwood encounter at Kardinia Park is the first game in a NAB Challenge series that will answer some pertinent questions. Questions like, why are we doing this? How do you win? Wait, IS there even a winner?
Preliminary questioning on the purpose of this pre-season competition proved fruitless, save for that weird guy in The Smother office who held us hostage for 45 minutes explaining the methodology he uses to develop his fantasy football 'squad'. Attempts to change the subject also proved fruitless. It was altogether a fruitless morning.
What we do know is that tonight, after a sweaty tram ride home and a microwave meal, I will be able to flick over to Fox Footy and watch some actual football. Regardless of the Mickey Mouse nature of the game itself, it will be lapped up with the kind of feverish demand often associated with explorers discovering an oasis in the desert (as opposed to anyone discovering Oasis in Dandenong, which - if it still exists - deserves no further mention).
So, well some interest is reserved for how Collingwood manage to fill the hole left by Dale Thomas and Heath Shaw, and whether Geelong has the young players to continue their dominance, nothing of substance will eventuate. What really matters is that this charade of unity associated with regaining the Ashes can be dropped, and this country (or this state at least) can get back to what's really important - division, frivolous division based on football teams who share stadiums and have little, if any, connection to the suburbs they're named after.
The Knock On Wood
It would be cruel to continually remind Carlton fans about their awful recruiting. So in that spirit, we will be closely following the fortunes of Cameron Wood, the ruckman who was delisted by Collingwood years ago before becoming a regular attendee of ruck contests in the VFL.
Mick Malthouse is nothing if not on-message. Sticking fast with the title of his recent tome 'The Ox Is Slow But The Earth Is Patient', he has signed one of the slowest oxen available. While we won't comment on whether this is this another example of Malthouse ingenuity (or a sign that that his famously quirky brain has conked out completely), The Smother will be following with interest.
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