August 29, 2014: A year in review...

This is the last Smother for August. The last Home & Away Smother for 2014. The last Smother that will be written this year before a Collingwood game.

As frustrating as it's been to watch the Black and White fade from a top four chance into bottom half obscurity, it hasn't been without it's highlights. Clinton Young's dropped mark against Gold Coast vindicated my avid stance on him being, well, not very good. Jack Frost has continued to impress and I think I love him. Broomhead's humorous last name continues to elicit joy.

Alas, we must look forward to the future. Where does this Collingwood team sit? It's hard to say. Next year will be critical to confirming the direction - we should either go down to the lower reaches of the ladder, or climb toward sixth or so. Existing in football purgatory -  8th - 10th - is a recipe for going nowhere. Just ask Richmond...

In the news...
Brenton Sanderson will give his players the mushroom treatment concerning the Gold Coast v West Coast result, insisting that they must focus on their own game if they are to nab 8th spot. "We've got to ensure that our group is totally focused on starting well" said Sanderson.

Meanwhile Adam Simpson is in a different camp with his Eagles. "There is no doubt the guys will be watching, I wont stop them from watching the games" he said.

And in Friday fluff, Port Adelaide have been granted permission to play INXS' Never Tear Us Apart before its home finals. "it's a terrific coup for supporters" said CEO Keith Thomas of the decision.

AND it's Supercoach Grand Final week - Teams are here. Remember to shower.

August 28, 2014: Maximise the heartbreak

Is there a special on yellow ink at the moment?

I only ask because, at least so far as the Herald Sun is concerned, there has been no news this week that doesn't concern Richmond. Richmond on the front, Richmond on the back, Richmond dotted throughout the middle. It's been going on for days, all in anticipation of a heartbreaking defeat at the hands of Sydney.

There's two ways to read it. Either The Herald Sun are with the Tiges and want them to succeed, or they, like me, just want the Tiger fans to get as excited as possible - maximising the heartbreak.

In the news...
The ACCC has issued a warning notice to the AFL for misleading advertising over the requirements for members to purchase a reserved seat. The rest of the rorting, however, is apparently okay.

Adam Kennedy, Nick Haynes and Rory Lobb have all extended their contracts at The Giants. "Rory, Nick and Adam have shown great faith in club" preached GWS CEO Dave Matthews (not the one with the band).

Justin Leppitsch is concerned that the Rising Star judges aren't bothering to watch Brisbane games. "A lot of these selection committees, there isn't a Queensland voice on them" said Leppa, subtly.

August 27, 2014: Smells like cat vomit...

Sometimes the truth is better than any parody could even hope to be. So it was when Adelaide Crows defender Daniel Talia was pulled over by South Australian Police in February.

Talia was clocked at 96km in a 60km hour section of Adelaide's Southern Expressway. But he is a defender by trade, and a crafty one by nature. Appearing in court today, Talia declared that the reason for his leadfoot was a violentally ill pet cat in the backseat, which distracted him from a reduced speed sign.

Despite this unique defence, Talia was still fined $800.

In the news...
Nathan Buckley has issued a vague threat to the Hawks ahead of Friday's night 100+ point thrashing at the MCG: "I would suspect you want to win games of football no matter when you play them" said Buckley, before retiring to a banana lounge.

In news that will concern no-one outside a few in Fantasy Grand Finals, Marc Murphy is still hopeful of playing against Essendon on Sunday.

While Ross Lyon says that his star forward Matthew Pavlich must get through tomorrow's training if he is to play against Port on Saturday.