Monday, June 30, 2014: Terrible EOFY Smother...

Can't write a Smother. My fingers are suffering from frostbite after shivering away in the Great Southern Stand last night. On the bright side, the AFL did seem to get two things right;

1. The complete lack of an audience meant that queues for amenities were short.
2. In 8 degrees, on a Sunday night, Etihad Stadium actually seemed like a good idea.

That's about it though, I am about to call Gill and ask to be compensated for the Carlton fans I was unable to gloat in front of. (We were going to do a Smother about Todd Carney, but we haven't seen a leak like that since ASADA).


The Monday Wrap:
Friday:
Geelong 89 defeated Essendon 80
Saturday:
Hawthorn 116 defeated Gold Coast 63
Richmond 117 defeated St. Kilda 73
Fremantle 88 defeated West Coast 81
Sydney 106 defeated GWS 60
Brisbane 70 defeated North Melbourne 66
Sunday:
Western Bulldogs 91 defeated Melbourne 85
Adelaide 99 defeated Port Adelaide 76
Collingwood 91 defeated Carlton 76

Ladder
Hawthorn - 44
Port Adelaide - 44
Sydney - 44
Sydney - 40
Fremantle - 40
Geelong - 40
Collingwood - 36
North Melbourne - 32
Gold Coast - 32
Adelaide - 28
Essendon - 28
West Coast - 24
Western Bulldogs - 20
Richmond - 16
Carlton - 16
Melbourne - 16
GWS - 16
Brisbane - 16
St. Kilda - 12

In the news...
In the wash-up from last night's sparsely attended Collingwood Carlton game, Mitch Robinson has been handed a two match ban for striking Taylor Adams (if he hadn't, three or four Collingwood supporters sitting behind me would have loved to line up 'Turnover' Taylor). Steven Morris of Richmond and Melbourne's Neville Jetta have both been offered a week. The full MRP report is here.

Friday, June 27, 2014: A Sunshine North Caravan park.

When The Big Cheese came to us in the off-season and offered us an overseas holiday, we were admittedly skeptical. A myriad of possibilities crossed our minds, more on the side of us ending up detained in an Iraqi work camp than sipping martinis on a sunny beach or seeing the Eiffel Tower. When he said that we were going on a performance camp, we relaxed slightly - surely, it being a training experience, this would be fully funded by Smother Inc.... how wrong we were.

Yes, it appears The Big Cheese has embraced the attitude of several AFL clubs - forcing us to fork out for flights to an "optional" training camp. Luckily for us, we could never afford it - and luckily for the AFL players who can, the AFLPA is about to negotiate a new deal that means players will need to vote on whether they are forced to spend their own money on an overseas training camp.

Under the new proposal, a secret ballot could be held, meaning players not being forced to outlay $2500 for their own trip. For us, we'll be spending the off-season in a Sunshine North caravan park.

In the news...
Essendon went to court this morning and some lawyers argued. We don't really understand it, but there's news here.

Al Clarkson is rumoured to close to a return from his back disease, according to his stand-in Brendan Bolton.

Teams are here. Have a good weekend. Go the Pies.

Thursday, June 26, 2014: Dirty laundry...

With the dark clouds of ASADA gathering ominously over Windy Hill or Tullamarine or wherever the Bombers hang out nowadays, Essendon coach Bomber Thompson is making an effort to keep his players spirits high.

"I was strolling around in a pair of jocks this morning because I lost a bet, they were laughing, they were having fun, at me, at my expense" he revealed in his press conference this morning. The bet, which related to the team completing a set play on the weekend, was supposed to result in the coach completing training in his underwear, but as Thompson told the gathered media - "I actually can't train in my jokes because you guys are here".

Indeed they are, and will be for some time to come one suspects. Another Dank whistleblower came forward last night alleging he had forged signatures, while ABC is planning to broadcast tomorrow's Federal Court hearings live - where it's expected the only briefs on show will be briefs of evidence (an original Smother pun which will surely be borrowed by someone in the media tonight). Either way, it appears we are on the eve of what the media folk wanted all along - the ASADA case fought out in open court.

An occasion for dirty laundry to be aired, if ever there was one...

In the news...
The Gold Coast Suns have taken to counting their chickens whilst still in their eggs after their 40 point trouncing of Geelong last week. They've announced that next weeks match with Collingwood should break their attendance record, despite it still being over a week away.

Mick Malthouse, the moustachioed senile fella often seen yelling at media people, has declared that he would hate football - if he wasn't coaching. Malthouse has urged the AFL to do something about congestion around the ball.

And finally, in news that has headline writers everywhere all abuzz. Mitch Honeychurch will BEE playing for the Bulldogs this weekend. Hive not heard a name this good in a while (Stop. Smother ed)...