September 3, 2014: Taylor Made

One for the little men! At 173 cm, Lewis Taylor was not built for AFL. His stature saw him relegated to number 28 in the draft, despite captaining Vic Country and winning All Australian honours as a junior. The concern about recruiting a small man has hopefully been put to bed, as Taylor today walked away with the NAB Rising Star.

Winning by one vote from Bulldog Marcus Bontempelli and 7 ahead of North's Luke McDonald sees Taylor walk away with the Ron Evans Medal and $20k. For the rest of us little men, even those a little long of tooth and wide of belly, he has provided some hope for a brighter in the future.

It's a tall mans world, but some of us break the mould.

In the news...
James Kelly has conceded that the ground is the place for him after an attempted speccy saw him treated for an injured ankle. Cats do always land on their feet, but it's not always a comfortable landing.

Are you already bored of having to talk to friends or leave your stinking basement? Finals Fantasy might be for you.

September 2, 2014: Carn the Pies

Great news Pie Fans - The Black and White will feature in Finals Football. Yes, it's not quite the finals appearance we'd hoped for. There will be no Swan, Pendlebury, Beams etc. But the Black & White will be there, and isn't that what really matters.

Port Adelaide will be wearing the famous Magpies jumper following another piece of Mark Evans problem-solving. After Evans' nonsensical edict was issued to Port Adelaide to wear their away strip for a home final against Richmond, Port Adelaide responded first with confusion - given their jumper looks nothing likes Richmond anyway - before submitting their Port Magpies jumper, which was accepted despite arguably being more confusing than the normal home jumper.

Not that we care about the mechanics, we're just happy to see the Magpies in September.

In the news...
Alex Silvagni will replace the injured Michael Johnson for Fremantle's qualifying final. "It's not the ideal scenario for us, but it's not something we're dwelling on" grumbled coach Ross Lyon.

Paul Roos is furious at two of his players who dressed as Rolf Harris and a young girl for Mad Monday celebrations. Several newspaper editors were pleased with the costumes which saved them from doing any real journalism that day.

And Carlton capped off its Mad Monday by delisting a bunch of players, the names are here.

September 1, 2014: Egg on our face..

Never before have circumstances demanded a Smother issued as reticently as this one. We are ashamed, embarrassed, terrified; we are dogs that defecated on the carpet, a teenager caught out in a passionate moment self-love. The Smother is sorry, The Smother was wrong. The Smother feels the shame.

Yes, all of our predictions of a violent Tiger Train derailment at Homebush on Saturday were wrong. The yellow and black locomotive has bustled on, taking the front-page of every newspaper and the lead story on every news bulletin in their wake. The Tiger Train is full, bursting at the seams. It's electric, booming, armed and dangerous.

So we're sorry. We doubted you, and there's egg on our face.

The Smother Letters

"I’ve been trying via Twitter and Facebook to have Broomhead nicknamed Basil. Broom-Brush-Basil – boom, boom!
I’d appreciate you help in this important task."

We're on board, Bryce!

In the news...
The latest victim of the Tiger Train is Port Adelaide's jumper, they've been forced to wear a clash strip for Sunday's clash.

The Brisbane Lions have cut the contracts of seven players from the team that beat Collingwood by 10 goals. Andrew Raines, James Polkinghorne, James Lisle, Patrick Reardon as well as rookies Nick Hayes, Sam Michael and Isaac Conway have been delisted.

And the prospect of rain has caused concern in Sydney regarding the surface at ANZ Stadium. A non-turf expert might wonder why they built a ground that can't handle rain and chose to hold winter sports there, but we won't.